Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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