Buhtt sex?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
