she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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