I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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