So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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