I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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