Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
