Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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