if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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