party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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