I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
