Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
