I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found a bag of teeth...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
