Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
