are you so shy because you have an std?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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