Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
