I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
