In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
