i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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