Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
