you turned your livingroom into a bong?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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