My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
