They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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