Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
