listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
