saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
