I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
