beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
