so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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