So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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