I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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