So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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