dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
