the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
