does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
