I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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