I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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