Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
