i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's the barista slut.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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