I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
