you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
