dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i out mim tonsoeep
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