Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
