My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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