but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
