I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
