Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
