I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
