I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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