this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
