either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
